‘A heart that’s been broken is a heart that’s been loved.’
This has stuck with me through the years, as I experienced heartbreak for the first time and learned that the I was capable of surviving it. See, the human heart: bound by muscle and built with love, was made to survive this. It was made to heal. And you? You who fell, so fearlessly – you who experienced the magic of love, you CAN survive this. I know it hurts. And your eyes ache from the crying. But I also know that you will be okay.
A love that doesn’t last is still love – your relationship is so much more than its ending.
The world goes on about “happily ever afters”, as if relationships that don’t last mean nothing. But my love, erase those ideas from your mind. Remind yourself that your story is beautiful, with or without that happy ending.
Missing someone you know was bad for you does not make you weak – it makes you human.
You’re allowed to miss someone who hurt you. No, you’re not sadistic for it. Nostalgia can sometimes highlight all the good times, making you forget that you broke-up for a reason. That’s normal, my love. You’re allowed to miss them, even as you move on.
Your capacity to love does not diminish just because someone did not value it.
You do not have a limited amount of love to give out, no matter how exhausted your heartbreak makes you feel. Your capacity to love, to fall in love and heal again is infinite, with or without someone’s inability to accept your love.
Walking away from something that was hurting you does not mean you ‘gave up’.
Repeat after me: letting go does not make you any less beautiful.
The fact that you chose to cut your losses, to walk away before the broken bits of your love left you bleeding simply means that you had your own back. You do not owe it to anyone to hurt for them.
“Moving on” isn’t a race, so do not turn your healing into a competition.
Do not let the facade of happiness, of being ‘so over someone’ make you forget what real happiness feels like. Your healing does not exist on a timeline. Your ability to heal does not depend on ‘moving on’ faster than your ex. Take your time, my love. Be patient with yourself.
Your heartbreak will always be a part of you. Just a part, though.
It is not you. Feel your grief. Accept that certain memories will always hurt, that time does not heal all wounds. And then remind yourself that your mosaic heart is so much more than its broken bits.
This pain will not last forever. You will fall in love, again. Fight as furiously as you can for this day.
Remember that the winds of change will blow your way. That life will give you a million reasons to smile again. That this piercing pain will one day disappear just enough for you to look beyond it. And that – that is worth fighting for.
You’re allowed to love yourself, without giving up on love.
Putting yourself above everything else does not make you selfish. It does not make you an island. It simply makes you independent. And your independence does not diminish your chances of finding someone who supports you.
Just because you don’t have the ‘love of your life’, does not mean you are not loved.
You’ve probably already found your soulmates: in friends, in those who have stuck by you, in your family. Do not let your hurt blind you to them. Your life is worthy of love, with or without that fabled love of your life.
You will get hurt again. But not everyone will hurt you in the same way, not everyone will walk away.
One heartbreak does not make you immune to others. But not everyone will break you – turn you into something replaceable. Give yourself the freedom to make new mistakes, to be loved unconditionally.
You are whole, even in your healing.
You are worthy, even in your brokenness. You do not need to be fixed or saved – so do not settle for those who tell you this. You deserved to be celebrated: heartbreak, tears, flaws and all.
You are allowed to take the help of those around you on your bad days – you are not a burden.
Crumbling in a room full of those you love, and letting them pick you up does not reduce the fortress of strength that you are. It simply means that you, like everyone else, need help. That you deserve the love you give around.
You do not deserve to wonder, every day, about the “what if”.
“What if I had just held my tongue that one time?”
Let go of this. Wishing for that time machine, wondering if you could have saved a love that was never meant to last will only hinder your healing. So stop wondering. The only thing you have a say in is the future, not the past.
You deserve your own forgiveness.
Stop beating yourself up over the past. Learn from it. But do not tear yourself down so much that you let yourself turn into a fraction of the person you can be – a fraction of the person you deserve to be. Forgive yourself. You of all people, deserve that.
There is no ‘right way’ to heal.
Sometimes healing means crying alone, sometimes it means getting drunk with your friends. Healing isn’t always a pretty, aesthetic, Instagram-worthy image. It’s ugly. It’s messy. And it’s beautiful, no matter what form it takes.
A year from now, you’ll be a different person – stronger and braver for your broken heart.
It will change you for the better. This ending of one story is only the beginning of another. It’s the painful peeling of your old skins, as you pick up your broken bits and become a more beautiful puzzle.
Nobody has the right to make you feel like you don’t deserve the things you want.
Not even someone you thought you loved. Especially, not someone you thought you loved. You deserve the world, even at your worst: remember that.
You are worthy of a love that sticks around, a love that does not need convincing to love you back.
You deserve a better sort of love. A love that makes the decision to stay. Who isn’t terrified of your unique. And that love – that love is just waiting for you to wipe your tears and be found.
You are enough. You are capable of turning into the person you want to fall in love with.
You do not need anyone else to feel the joy you associate with true love. You are capable of turning into your own Prince Charming. Of fighting your demons and saving yourself.