How My Worst Breakup Taught Me Life’s Most Important Lessons

I won’t lie. I wouldn’t want to relive the first half of 2016. It was the worst blow my heart’s taken in a long time, but to be honest if I was given a choice to erase that year out of my existence, I wouldn’t. Because no matter how messed up the first half of it had been, it was one of my favorite years in the almost-30 stint I am heading towards.

I am assuming we’ve all been through a breakup that’s opened a gap within the center of our chests with constant pain spilling out. And mine was no different. It took me a month to let it soak in, to let it register. And from thereon, it felt like a constant battle to not give up on joy and happiness. But the worst breakup of my life has also been the most beautiful thing to have happened to me and these 14 reasons spell out why.

It brought me face to face with my own power.

When I was hurting and all my heart could think was “What the hell just happened?”, I also knew I was stronger than my then-current situation. I knew I had dealt with heartbreaking situations before and no matter what, I wouldn’t be giving up on life or on savoring every moment of it. Even on days when I didn’t know if I would really be okay (like ever), I refused to the let my sorrow swallow me whole.

It taught me to never question my enoughness.

I was shown that somebody’s leaving was in no way related to my worth. That somebody unloving me was not a comment on who I was but rather, a comment on who they were and what was happening inside of them. I was shown that I didn’t have to “be” in a certain way to deserve true love. I was shown that I was already, wholly, fully worthy of it, just as I was.

It cemented my faith in love, furthermore.

I understood that love had not hurt me but somebody who did not know how to love me, had. And right here was the biggest difference between giving up on an “okay” love versus giving up on love entirely. And I for one, knew that through the rest of my life, I wasn’t ever giving up on the latter.

It taught me to ask for what I deserve, without apology.

I felt myself becoming vocal and honest about what I deserved, be it in my relationships, or with my work or about the things I loved. I became surer about who I was essentially and about stating exactly that, without any compromise.

It showed me the importance of surrounding myself with people who loved me unconditionally.

Through the roughest parts of my healing, I came across friends and family members who honored and respected my failings and my victories. These were the people who loved me for I was: whole, messy, absolutely awesome and a human with a lot of feelings. This made me understand the quality of people I wanted to fill my life up with.

It helped me slow down and not apologize for it.

I was tempted to “get done” with my healing, to simply jump through to the bit where I would okay again. But my heart spoke of slowing down and of honoring every stage of my healing. It taught me to feel everything I was feeling and not run away from the utterly uncomfortable emotions. And in doing so, I tackled my (otherwise hidden) demons head on with kindness and self-love.

And it made me understand the necessity to forgive with all of my heart.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or letting in the same source of hurt back into your life. What I learnt, was to make peace with had happened because there was no way I could change it and holding in anger and resentment was only and only hurting me, nobody else.

It showed me what it truly meant to let go.

To truly let go is to look upon the past with love and to see the person who hurt you as just another being who stumbled. Letting go not only involves a parting of ways with the memories but also with every emotion (negatives especially) associated to that human. Letting go was to send them away with nothing but love in your heart.

And that it was okay to wait for someone who shared my version of love.

The best bit about my healing was fully accepting that it was okay to wait it out until I found the person who shared my love language. There was no rush, no hurry, but just a strong knowing that I would rather wait (as long as it took) for a person worthy of my soul than settle with someone who failed to understand it.

It brought me closer to my personal truth.

When shit hit the roof, there was no way I was running away from myself. My breakup brought in a chain of personal realizations that changed the way I saw myself and the world. Most importantly, it made me reconnect with this badass, whole, gorgeous heart of mine, with added shine.

It showed me I was equipped to take care of myself, no matter what.

This is my favorite part. The bit where I understood no matter how hard or crappy life got, no matter the intensity of the storm, I’ve got my own back. Struggling through losing my favorite person made me know that I was my personal favorite, first. And in that knowing seeped in all the peace and joy I had awaited for a long, long time.

It showed me that every end was just a new beginning to something bigger, something better.

Someone once said that “If it’s not happy, it’s not the end”. But I feel, within this one life we’ve been given, there are a countless different endings only to get us to the most amaze new beginnings. It taught me to embrace these endings with as much joy as the incoming of the new chapters.

It taught me the difference between being broken and breaking open.

I understood the difference between being broken and breaking open and to come to terms with my wholeness. I was taught to see myself as the complete being I am versus the idea of ‘needing’ someone to fill up parts of me I was too afraid to love.

And it made me fall in love with every step of my journey.

I learned to enjoy every step of the way rather than wanting to escape the not-so-nice bits. My heartbreak taught me that I did not deserve one to begin with and to have known this like I know it today, involved going through all those crappy (insert: transformative) days. And I wouldn’t swap anything for this feeling right now.

Like Buddha said, “Everything heals. Your body heals. Your heart heals. The mind heals. Wounds heal. Your soul repairs itself. Your happiness is always going to come back…”